i find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes
What’s yellow and goes BANG?
A 45 caliber canary.
(Source: molgera, via rebakitt3n)
Anonymous asked: My corgi always manages to pee on his little stubby feet every time we go for a walk. Does Otis do that? I don't know how to get him to stop peeing on himself.
Otis recently learned how to lift his rear stumps to more accurately claim bushes for Wales. He hasn’t had any trouble peeing on his feet, though he has fallen over when he lifted his leg with too much enthusiasm.
I’m not really sure what advice I can give. Perhaps someone can leave a tip or link in the comments. Maybe you can get him little rain boots like this piggy has.
I for one desperately need to see footage of Otis rolling over while attempting to pee.
being vegan is so emotionally draining like i can’t even look at someone drinking a milkshake without wanting to cry this is ridiculous if your ‘food’ makes me emotionally distressed that might be a sign that it’s not good
Get over yourself. oh my god
Is that really desirable?
This is one of my favorite Silver Age issues of Superman. He loses the ability to absorb energy from the sun (because reasons), so every time he performs a super-feat, he has to eat food like a person. Well, i say ”like a person”, but more like a bus full of linebackers. So he runs into a burger place with a sign outside reading “over 7 million sold” and pulls a Ron Swanson, saying “Give me all the hamburgers you have”. I think he went and made some diamonds to pay for them or something.
It gets fixed, and he’s okay again, and Clark goes past the burger place, but not the sign reads “over 8 million served”.
The Silver age was a great deal of fun. Demands for continuity were few and far between, and if someone wanted to do a story where Superman fought a guy who was a thinly disguised Popeye pastiche, or an alien who was allergic to superheroes, well, what the heck’s stopping you?
“You know, funny story: There’s this craft store called Michaels. Look, my sister knits, and she goes to Michaels. So my sister called me and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m at Michaels, picking up yarn. You have a poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “There’s a poster, there’s a Falcon poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “Holy s**t!” She’s like, “I’m gonna come and pick you up, and we’re gonna see your poster in this store.” So she picks me up and we go to Michaels. We go in, and I see the poster and I’m like, “Oh, this is….” She’s like, “I know, I know.” I said, “I’m gonna sign these posters.” I was like, “That would be amazing, you buy a poster and it’s like, actually signed by the Falcon.” Like, it would blow my mind. So I go to the front, I buy a Sharpie, I run back to the back of the store. And she’s like, “I’m gonna take a picture of you signing it.” I’m in this store and I’m signing all the posters. The manager comes out, he’s like, “Hey, whatcha doing?” I was like, “Oh man, I’m signing these posters so when people buy ‘em, they’re signed.” He’s like, “Well, people are not gonna buy ‘em if they’re signed.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a problem.” And he goes, “Yeah, but it is gonna be a problem, you’re messin’ up my inventory.” And I’m like, “No, my man, trust me. I mean, I’m the Falcon, that’s me!” And he goes, “Yeah, right. You’re gonna buy those posters.” I said, “What?” He’s like, “You’re gonna buy all those posters or I’m gonna call the police.” He rolls up all the posters and goes to the front of the store. And I had to buy like 60 Falcon posters that I signed in Michaels.”
-Anthony Mackie getting in trouble for signing his posters at a Michaels (x)
Anthony Mackie is a gift to all mankind.
Waiting patiently to hear when he auctions or raffles them for charity.
Not to mention when the Internet figures out which location of Michaels it was, and make the manager’s life a morass of shame and degradation.
A lot of people are asking why i used a picture of Paul McCartney for my mashup of John Lennon’s “Imagine”.
I thought the answer was obvious. Paul McCartney IS John Lennon
Everyone knows that the original Paul McCartney died some time in the 1960s and was replaced by a double. But I guess you only know half the story. When choosing a replacement impostor they realized that only one person knew Paul and his mannerisms well enough to convincingly portray him: John Lennon in facial prosthetics.
Obviously they could never be seen together in public. This is why the Beatles stopped performing and became a studio-only band (John playing Paul’s parts via multitracking techniques which quickly proved creatively revolutionary.) Nonetheless, the magic act was very taxing on John, and the Beatles eventually had to split up so he could perform both lives separately.
When he was non-fatally wounded by a bullet in 1980, he realized he was at a crossroads. He had come to enjoy his life and career as Paul McCartney, who was at an all time creative high with hits like “Temporary Secretary" and "Wonderful Christmastime”. And so, he faked his death as John Lennon and assumed the role of Paul full time.
So next time you’re mourning the premature loss of the great songwriter John Lennon, just think about him in 1985, healthily and contentedly singing “Spies Like Us" under 20 pounds of Hollywood makeup.
To get away from Yoko, it would be worth every moment.
Anonymous asked: Who was your favorite amalgam character?
Pro tip - They never want to talk about you on these daytime talkshows, they want to trot out someone you have a beef with and watch the spars fly.
Absolutely screaming 😩